Friday, April 01, 2005

New Rule

Abstinence pledges make you horny.

A new eight-year study just released reveals that American teenagers who take "virginity" pledges of the sort so favored by the Bush administration wind up with just as many STDs as the other kids.

But that's not all -- taking the pledges also makes a teenage girl six times more likely to perform oral sex, and a boy four times more likely to get anal. Which leads me to an important question: where were these pledges when I was in high school?

Seriously, when I was a teenager, the only kids having anal intercourse were the ones who missed. My idea of lubrication was oiling my bike chain. If I had known I could have been getting porn star sex the same year I took Algebra II, simply by joining up with the Christian right, I'd have been so down with Jesus they would have had to pry me out of the pew.


Is there any greater irony than the fact that the Christian Right actually got their precious little adolescent daughters to say to their freshly scrubbed boyfriends: "Please, I want to remain pure for my wedding night, so only in the ass. Then I'll blow you." Well, at least these kids are really thinking outside the box.

Quick, someone alert the Lefty PC Patrol: Another left-of-the-dial 'personality' is going off topic and joking about ass-fucking when there's a war on and the economy is in the tank and the US of A government is overrun with crooks and liars. Shame on Bill Maher for not using his celebrity status and media connections to make lefties look better than the righties -- he should behave more responsibly. *sniff*


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